The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy, often called DNMS, is a gentle and effective therapy approach designed to help people heal emotional wounds from childhood and beyond. It focuses on meeting important emotional needs that may not have been met earlier in life — needs like feeling safe, loved, accepted, and valued. When these basic needs are not fulfilled during key stages of growth, parts of us can get emotionally “stuck,” carrying forward feelings of hurt, fear, shame, or anger into adulthood.
DNMS works by helping people reconnect with those stuck parts of themselves in a safe, caring way. It allows individuals to give their younger, wounded parts what they didn’t get at the time
— kindness, support, protection, and unconditional love. By doing so, those wounded parts can heal, grow, and finally move forward.
This strategy was developed by Shirley Jean Schmidt, a licensed professional counselor, who wanted to create a method that focused on nurturing and repairing early emotional injuries without forcing people to relive painful experiences in a harmful or overwhelming way. DNMS recognizes that many emotional difficulties we experience today — such as low self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, anxiety, depression, or emotional reactivity — are often rooted in unmet developmental needs from earlier in life.
In a DNMS session, clients are guided to activate positive, nurturing parts of themselves — sometimes called “Resources” — that represent inner qualities like wisdom, compassion, and strength. These Resource parts work together to gently connect with the wounded parts that are stuck in pain. Instead of pushing those wounded parts away or judging them, the Resources listen, offer support, and provide the comfort that was missing during the original experience. Over time, the stuck parts begin to feel safe, accepted, and loved, which allows them to integrate more fully into the healthy adult self.
One of the most important aspects of DNMS is that it’s done at the client’s own pace. There’s no rush, no pressure to relive traumatic memories in detail, and no judgment. The emphasis is always on creating a safe emotional space where true healing can happen. It’s about honoring where the person has been and giving them what they needed back then but didn’t get — right here and now.
At Stress Solutions of NY, we use DNMS to help individuals who feel stuck in patterns of emotional pain, self-criticism, fear, or insecurity. It’s especially helpful for people who have experienced childhood trauma, neglect, abandonment, or difficult family dynamics. DNMS gives people the tools to heal old wounds gently and permanently, helping them move toward a stronger, healthier, and more peaceful sense of self.
With DNMS, it’s never too late to get the emotional support you needed. Healing happens by meeting those long-ago needs today — and opening the door to a life with more joy, confidence, and connection.